What is intimacy?

Intimacy is when all of you are welcome.

There is a lot in this statement to unpack.

Intimacy can be with ourselves
or with another
and in fact it must be both.

We can only go deep into intimacy with another
to the degree we are intimate with our own self.

Intimacy is not sex
although in an "intimate relationship"
sex is an important part of the connection.

Intimacy comes when we allow all parts of ourselves to be seen
it begin when we do it with our self, for our self
when we stop hiding our needs and wants and desires
when we know what we love
and honor it
when piece be piece
we reclaim the parts of our self
that were rejected by others when we were kids.

I know it is easier said then done
and is a process
but another word for this
is being whole.

And wholeness
is not perfection.

To the degree we know our self
and honor our self
we are "intimate with our own self".

Intimacy with another is no different
except now you face another
and you better choose your mirror well.

Not the Disney version of the knight with the shining armor
not "the one" who will complete you
but someone who accepts and honor themself
their strength as well weaknesses
their likes and dislikes
someone who is intimate with their own self
and thus can be intimate with you too.

Someone who wants your company
who value what is dear to you
who doesn't need you to be perfect...

But beware..

If you want intimacy with someone who accepts you fully
you need to be able to do the same
you need to be able to accept yourself fully
and to accept them fully too.

And for that my friends
humor is key
and presence is key also.

We don't need to drown in the negative
but we can not ignore or avoid it
cause when we do,
we splinter part of reality off
and there is no wholeness in that.

To unpack what intimacy is
takes a lifetime of experiences
and much more than the space of the words I can string together here
but it is oh so worth it to experience...